A Visit From The Hulk

I was quite surprised and delighted when he showed up at my front door, green from head to toe, flexing his huge muscles. Two-year-old Connor is all about superheroes these days. I’d seen his Spiderman costume on Halloween, but I didn’t even realize that he had a Hulk costume also. Needless to say, it was a very entertaining Thanksgiving gathering. Most of the time Connor was pretty well behaved – for a sugared up toddler that is. Sure, he had a couple of loud, rambunctious moments, but it happens, especially when you’re channeling the Hulk.

As far as I know, Hulk is the only superhero who transforms when he’s angry. It just got me thinking about feelings – particularly the not-so socially acceptable ones. I’ve been receiving daily email messages from GriefShare. They are brief messages of encouragement to help people through the grieving process. For the past several days, the messages have been about anger. They say that anger is a normal feeling after a loss, one that is neither good nor bad. It’s just a feeling. We could be angry with the circumstances of the death, with the illness that caused it, or with the person themselves. However, if we are angry, we need to express it in healthy ways. Am I angry? I wonder. I don’t think so, at least not like the Hulk. If I do have any pent up resentment or rage, it must be stuffed down pretty deep. I suppose it will come out eventually. 

Oddly, this past Thanksgiving Day, what I mostly felt was peaceful. It was kind of weird. In recent years, the holidays have been pretty stressful. When someone we love is struggling with a mental illness and/or addictions, you just never know what you’re going to get. Will they show up? How will they look? How will they act? Will they be stable? Sober? Will there be any family drama? Some say it's like walking on eggshells; I say it's more like walking on broken glass in bare feet. It can be painful!

Adam did try, though. His heart was always in the right place. He showed up for each event, wanting to be with family - but things just seemed to happen. I’ll spare the details. Suffice it to say, the past couple of years were especially hard around Thanksgiving in particular. Unfortunately, this time of year seemed to bring out the worst in him.

For most of us, family gatherings can be stressful, even when we aren’t wresting inner demons. Let’s face it, there are often so many expectations. Even when we try to relax and let things go, there’s still pressure. Pressure on ourselves, pressure on others. We try to live up to that unrealistic Norman Rockwell standard – or Facebook standard – but somehow things always seem to fall short.  

This year felt different, though. Like I said, it was peaceful. We enjoyed great company around the table, yummy food, lots of laughter, and our special guest, the Hulk. I’m sad that Adam missed it. I'm sad that there was an empty place that should have been his. As for other feelings, if any anger does happen to surface in the coming days, I’ll try to process it in healthy ways. In the meantime, I’m just going to enjoy the sweet memories of a nice Thanksgiving day, being grateful for family and for big green Hulky smiles.