Healing and Comfort in the Midst of Community

On any given workday, rain or shine, you can typically spot me in my car during my lunch hour. Parked in the shade, seat reclined, book or journal in hand, with my feel dangling out the window.

Oh, the bliss! It’s a mystery how someone who loves people (and I do!) can feel such a strong pull to hibernation. For some reason, I just need that alone time to recharge. I believe I’m what they call an “extroverted introvert.”

But here’s the thing: when it comes to processing loss, I know my grief journey can’t be a solo trip. God designed us for community. He never meant for us to carry our burdens alone. In fact, the Bible says that God is “The Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Corinthians 2:3-4).

Truth is, I can’t heal if I stay in my cave. Comfort and encouragement are a continuous cycle of reaching out to others, and in turn, others reaching out to me. That’s the beauty of God’s design.

Needless to say, I’m eternally grateful for all the love and support I’ve been given these past three months. Family, friends, co-workers, church family, even my therapist. Near or far, it doesn’t matter. Each person has touched me and uplifted me in some way. Some reach out via text, others with social media. Still others, may drop a card in the mail, pick up the phone, or meet face-to-face. It’s amazing how connection with others can lift my spirits. Just a hug from someone as I walk into church, or a co-worker who lets me cry (for the umpteenth time) and talk for a few minutes in the middle of the workday.  All of it is helpful. I think my husband gets the listening award, because he’s the one who gets caught in the middle of my grief waves the most. He’s a man of few words, but his listening speaks volumes.

And let’s not forget prayer. That’s the most important support of all. Each and every prayer offered up for our family has been felt. Prayer sustains us. It carries us when we think we can't go on.

And speaking of support, as God would have it, I’ve been attending a grief support group at our church since last fall. Over the course of three months, we met weekly to go through the book, Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart, by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

Ironically (0r Godronically) I thought I was attending so that I could learn how to come alongside others in their time of loss. Little did I know what was up ahead on my own life path. Thankfully, the group is still meeting, and I’m still attending once a month. Very helpful!

Nevertheless, I recently started feeling the need for something more specific to my unique experience. So, I attended my first Friends for Survival group last week. The group, which was founded in 1983, provides support for those who have lost someone to suicide. At this point, I don’t know how it will all fit into my life, but I’m pretty sure that the third Tuesday of each month, I’ll be there.

Yesterday was a very hard day. Don and I had just returned home from a weekend trip up north to Weaverville, CA to iron out plans for Adam’s burial. We met with a funeral home, chose a headstone, and discussed purchasing a plot near a whole group of other Gilzeans who are buried there, including Don’s great-grandfather, grandfather, dad, and uncle (plus wives). Needless to say, our hearts were heavy when we pulled into the driveway at home. Don headed to the mailbox and returned with a gift waiting for me. It was from The Friends for Survival. Someone assembled and mailed a gift to me - a handmade book with little gifts and words of encouragement. So sweet! Talk about a boo hoo fest!

All this to say, as much as I love my alone time - hibernating in my cave - I do need comfort and encouragement from other people. Thank you to those who are walking along this journey with me and my family. We appreciate your prayers and support. Believe me, at some point, it will come back to you. I promise! We all need each other. That’s the beauty of receiving comfort and healing in community.